SUFFERING (1994 and 1995)

My father died of throat cancer in the year 1995. We were settled in Bilaspur before that. There a doctor H.S.Ray, ENT specialist, to whom my father visited for problems in the throat, suggested in July 1993 visit Tata Memorial Cancer Hospital at Bombay. We have no idea about Bombay and more. So my father went there alone in July 1993. The doctor at Tata Memorial Cancer Hospital, said him to come along with a companion. As my father went there single, they didn’t check him, and my father returned from them. He underwent treatment under various doctors at Bilaspur but none of them turned fruitful.

During Durga Puja of 1993 went to Birnagar / Krishnanagar. Generally we visit our native place during summer vacation only, but for some consultation with doctors at Kolkata we went there during Puja vacation. We came to know about an ENT specialist at Kolkata, but appointment with the doctor needs about a month. We all agreed for checkups with the doctor and made an appointment over telephone. I saw my father calling from a STD booth for the appointment, first time for me to go to the then flourishing STD business.

The disease or suffering of my father was getting more. So in the month January 1994, he went to Birnagar / Krishnanagar again for visit to “Thakurpukur Cancer Hospital” in Kolkata. It was the third week of January 1994; he went to Thakurpukur Cancer Hospital along with Kingshuk, my brother and Mama my maternal uncle. The doctors started radiation therapy and prescribed 25 radiations, each radiation of 1 min and 45 seconds. There they had taken a room for stay during the period of treatment. After some radiations, my father came to Uslapur and has taken my mother there.

My Class 12th exams started in early March of 1994. I was alone at Uslapur. My mother before leaving for Kolkata has asked mother of Mohan for my food. They thrice everyday brought food at my home. I was attending exams as usual. It was day before the festival of “Holi”, a person (Sunder Maharaj) asked me when my parents were returning. I then not knowing about that, as there was no telephone facilities then and one has to rely on postal department. But the fact is they returned on the next morning only. My mother and I went to market for some purchase.

My father returned after taking 25 radio therapies. It caused the burning of skin nearby throat. It made him unable to talk, made him physically week. He has to cough with long durations. He also had pain but expressed less and hides more. He had developed an acne type of eruption at his throat. It’s developed at the place where the hospital personnel injected for biopsy.

He again has to visit the hospital after a month. As per the doctors, that after radiation, if the symptom/disease get suppressed then he will be safe. Otherwise he has to be given further treatment called “chemo-therapy”. The longer the treatment given the more unsafe he is.

I had full belief that he will get cured after radiation therapy. We had one month time before next visit. As he was unable to talk he can not perform his job as a “Station Master”. At that time he was posted at Bilaspur/RRI. We were staying at Uslapur railway quarters. As he will have to travel 20 kilometres both ways to perform his duty, he applied to his officer for transfer to Uslapur. Seeing his condition, the officer immediately issued orders for his transfer to Uslapur. Although he was posted to Uslapur he was unable to perform his duties after radiations.

My maternal uncle and aunt staying at Bhandara came to visit us. They were the closest according to the distance of all other relations. My mother expressed her worry to the aunt. Also she noticed that crow’s crow much more than usual. When crows crow near to any house, it is considered that death is calling. It caused fear to my mother. I was unaware of such mythology. I remember my aunt asked me to bring a “Gulel” (in Hindi as I do not know what it is called in English) to shot the crows. It means a game to me so I was excited without knowing the motive of doing so.

The eruption on the throat was getting larger and larger and became the size of a marble at the end of a month. My mother and father prepared themselves for next visit after a month to Thakurpukur Cancer Hospital.

Visiting to “Thakurpukur Cancer Hospital” by ourselves lead our expenses not covered by Railways. For the expenses to be paid by Railways, we should have visited Railway hospital, and if they found that treatment is required elsewhere, then only they send patients to other hospitals. Also Railways hospital will do necessary tests, and also treatment, before forwarding cases outside. We also visited Railway Hospital, Bilaspur and they directed to “Central Hospital”, Garden Reach, Kolkata.

Although my exams were over I didn’t accompany them as I had to appear for PET exams, though I had no hope. So instead of staying at Uslapur alone, I went to Bhandara, to my maternal aunt who visited few days back to us. My father came to Bilaspur station to entrain me to Bhandara. He never allowed me to drive the scooter though he was sick. I many times drove scooter alone and my mother sitting in rear seat. While my father and I had to go, he never allowed me to drive. After my going to Bhandara my father and mother left for Kolkata after few days to Central Hospital, Gardenreach.

Then Gardenreach Hospital authorities advised him to get admitted and they would further start from the initial. As my father already in the process of treatment, so of Gardenreach Hospital’s start from the beginning approach not seemed desirable to us. So we prefer to continue treatment at Thakurpukur Cancer hospital by our own resources.

In those days, there were no telephone connections at Birnagar or Uslapur, so getting news from them was out of question. After return from Bhandara to Uslapur, I appeared PET exams and then moved to Birnagar. There I came to know that one Chemo-therapy has already been given to my father in the end of May 1994. The radiations did not suppress the disease and so doctors prescribed three chemotherapies for three months. The doctors may have hinted that chances of his recovering is getting lesser day by days. It three chemos did suppress then well otherwise another three chemos to be given.

For each chemo therapy my father has to be admitted accompanied by some one. My mother stayed there for the first therapy. It needs three days admission and chemo injection is injected in the bottle of saline drips. The saline mixed chemo is drawn in for about three days. The result of chemo can be quickly seen. It results in weakening of the patient, higher hair fall, lack of hunger and many others which we cannot know from father. But it quickly resulted in reduction in the size of eruption on his throat. Initially the eruption does not discharge anything but once it started, it increased with time. The pus type of liquid always got discharged. The chemo reduced the discharge from the eruption which has taken form of a wound gradually.

After reaching Birnagar I came to know that my father has been visiting a worship place called “Thakurbari” at Majdia. Majdia is located in Sealdah-Ranaghat-Gede Railway section. Thakurbari is the place where a person got a dream that God gave him some mantra to help the sick and diseased. There any one has to visit on Tuesday and Saturday. The said person worships first and then attained some spiritual form, what we call as God entered his body. Then what he speaks is the utterance of God, and what he does is the doing by God. He then touches the patient, pray for the patient and almost to every patient says that he will be cured. He offers “Prasad”, the edibles offered to God and then taken by the followers as a belied that God has given them to eat. They accept little grants from the visitors.

I was little favoured to such beliefs then. Also we do not have much options left than believing in worship point for cure of cancer. My father used to visit every week as the worshiper there called him. My father used to get strength on visiting there and with the religious activities, the beats of drums used in temples. He sometimes said even that he is feeling better. But belief in such place can make oneself to think that he is feeling better. Actually this may have made his think that he is getting relief, or he is getting cured. But on actual the disease got worse with the time while he believes that worship will cure him. Also visiting to such place resulted in the miss of the second chemotherapy after a month.

Slowly we all realised that insisting on religious matters alone is not sufficient. Then father was again taken to the hospital. There he was given the second chemo. Again three days of needle punctured ones vein for inject of chemo mixed saline. One thing I need to mention here that many helped us financially as a chemo costs about Rs. 3500 /- in the year 1994. I remember my paternal uncle and aunt giving a large sum.

The chemo therapy causes the wound to get dried, the discharge of fluid get lessened, etc. but the side effects were also painful. Someone then suggested that instead of following treatment of the hospital, we may consult one of the doctors, to visit him privately i.e. in his chamber other than hospital, and get treatment as per him. It causes, that one can get specialised opinion and treated in the hospital or other than hospital. So we consulted one of the doctors.

Besides all these treatment, we consulted one homoeopathy doctor, but we could not rely on his time taking procedure. So after a month or so, getting no result from him, we again switched to usual routine of treatment.

In the mean time I went to Bilaspur for my Class 12th results and transfer certificates. I submitted application form for BSc admission to Kalyani University and to Krishnanagar Government College. I was too optimistic that I would get admission at Kalyani University which is better than others nearby. But there the seats for students other than West Bengal Board are too few and applicants from others were more. The ratio of students and seats are highly in favour of students of West Bengal Board students.

I got admission in Krishnanagar Government College. This college was established in 1846 and has long and wide trees and well maintained garden.

In the month of July or August 1994, my brother and father went to doctor’s chamber and the treatment under him started. He then suggested radiotherapy of larger durations about six minutes each. Then he had given chemo injections. These chemos were not the three days one, but inserted in veins and took about five minutes as these are injected very slowly. After prescribed radiotherapy and three (I suppose) chemos doctor suggested wait and watch policy. Then my mother and father went to Bilaspur in the month of September 1994 as my father has to withdraw his salary.

By then I got admission in Krishnanagar Government College. My parents were in Bilaspur. Though my fathers conditions may not have improved but his would got dried and its size reduced. My father joined his job and has been given lighter job at “Cash & Pay Office, Bilaspur”. After long my father worked there for few days. I visited to Bilaspur in the month of October during Diwali. I went there in unreserved compartment of Geetanjali express which reaches Bilaspur at 12 hrs midnight and I reached Uslapur after an hour.

Someone at “Cash & Pay Office, Bilaspur” suggested “Naturopathy” for treatment of cancer and advised of a Naturopath “Mr. Bagga” at “Dayalband” Bilaspur. My father so visited to him. The treatment of him is much complicated to be followed in general. First he kept my father in fast for 21 or 25 days. The fast means not to eat any thing for the period and only drinking water is allowed. My mother got worried as anyone would remain alive after not eating for so long. She many times checks him when he is asleep, that whether he is breathing. His next line of treatment was rubbing his urine over body for a week.

The naturopath advises use of natural things for treatment of any disease. They do not give any medicines unlike “Ayurved” doctors. When I went to Bilaspur his long fasting period was over. His then diet was as follows. The breakfast was the sprouted five items, as “Green Moong, Gram, Masoor, and some others”. His lunch includes little rice and two chapattis. He also has to take about half a glass juice of “amla” or “Indian gooseberry” per day. He also used to take ginger juice in intervals, spinach juice, and many others but the important one was “wheat grass juice”.

Wheatgrass is the young grass of seven days of the wheat plant. So to take seven days old wheat grass juice daily, my mother made eight tubs of a squarefeet area made with bricks. Each day wheat is sown and taken back on the seventh day. Eighth is for one day rest of each tub. After the grass was taken out, the juice is made out of it.

Under treatment of a naturopath, may or may not the disease suppressed but it made my father thinner and looking tall and thin. For the two or three months, it seemed that the naturopathy is curing, but it may be our wrong assumption, as prior to this my father has been under strong treatment under a doctor. May be due to strong radiations the wound got suppressed, and we linked this to naturopathy. But later the wound again started to increase in its size. My father and mother returned from Uslapur to Birnagar in November 1994.

Againg the same doctor was consulted had he advised of few chemo injections. He also advised that my father is not required to visit him but instead he can have those ingections from the local doctors. The doctor also expressed his helplessness as more things were not expected from the treatment. My brother everytime accompanied my father. He then knowed that medically my father in not treatable. Then we have no choice than to visit “totka” i.e. places where healing is done on some religious beliefs. If anyone tells us about some place, my brother went there. Someone told ‘Suchitra Sen’, Bengali actress had cancer and was treated in similar place at Barasat and she got healed. Learning this my brother went there and brought their medicines. Those were applied on my father but my father was fast deteriorating and so sign of healing were not at all visible. We also went to similar place at Assansol and another to Srirampur. In all of those places the worshipper perform some rites and offers the “prasada”. It pleased and give confidence to us for a day or two.

We even relied upon one such person, who gave a copper capsule filled with something and sealed with wax. He took Rs. 800- for that in 1994. He also visited few times to us, may be on our call, and suggested some or many things, but all were not fruitful.

My father’s food intake reduced to maximum of one cup of milk for the whole day. May be he stopped feeling hunger, or may be the pain in the throat, he did not take any thing. He not even take water. He felt difficult to swallow the saliva so he sometimes spit in the container beside. He did not bathe for many days, and always remained in the bed, sometimes sleeping and sometimes sitting unconsciously.

One morning in January 1995, my grandmother was disturbed very much due to loosing health of my father. She since morning asking us to call her younger son, i.e. my paternal uncle. My uncle then reside at Santaldih, in district Purulia. It was about 8 hours of complicated journey from Birnagar, with about four breaks. At that time the only way of telephonic contact with uncle was to call from Ranaghat Sub-Station. There also the contact was not direct, but through some via, and the message will then be delivered to him. I went to Ranaghat Sub-Station and described the personnel there at about 10 in the morning to give message “that his elder brother is serious”. My maternal uncle with his family came on that night only which was beyond our assumption. After getting the message my uncle left for Birnagar with so complicated journey reached to us at about 11 at night.

At that period my father suffered very very much. I remember the doctor once prescribed a pain-killer tablet, to be taken half, and later on if required then full. My father six months before asked for the half tablet. Gradually he needed the full. Initially he asked one in two days or three days, according to pain. But the frequency increased, the dosage increased. But a time came, he did not asked for that even in extreme cases. We sometimes dissolve the table and gave, but he stopped asking for those. My be the relieving effect has reduced or the intense of pain increased to make the tablet ineffective.

We once noticed something white on the dried ends of the wound. On closer look we see that something dotted shite spots deposited there. We were unable to realise the object. But in two days its effect were apparent to us. Those were the eggs of worms. Initially we noticed one or two but within another day, it turned to few hundreds. Each worms were very thin and about half cm long. We applied some homemade tips, like onion juice to kill them. Also one person offering “totka” was called and he too applied juice of some leaves. It was all of no result. Those worms along with pain gave the sensation of itching and irritation of some insects eating our flesh. As my uncle was then there, he and my brother we to the doctor, once we used to visit, after a long time. The doctor prescribed the ointment “Wokadine” to kill the worms. Those worms’ health changed day by day. The thin and small worms in two or three days changed to one inch long and about 3 mm thick.

After application of “wokadine” the worms, inside the would started coming out. We collected those with a match stick and collected in a paper bag, and burnt later. After two or three days of application all worms were over. The worms had a effect on the wound. The would was above the skin of about one inch diameter and half inch thick. The worms ate the flesh and the excess flesh above the skin were eaten. Ali they did was they went inside and created a hollow.

After a stay of about a week my uncle returned to their place. In the month of March 1994, I had to go to Bilaspur. The reason was to draw salary of my father. As he was under sickness, he was to get half the average pay. Also some earlier months pay was not withdrawn. So I went to Bilaspur. I liked to visit Bilaspur as I can meet friends there. I returned from there within four or five days.

By the time I returned to Birnagar, I found my paternal aunt visited there to see my father. She spent few days there. My father said on her visit, that “its good that she visited otherwise we may not have met”. I don’t know whether from inner calling or else he said so, but this turned to be correct. Or her day of leaving, it was morning time, my father came out to the main door to see her sister leaving. This may be after many days, that father came to that door.
On the early morning of 5th April 1995, my father died. My father awaken my mother when he was bleeding. My brother and I were awaken by mother. My brother seeing the condition realised whats to be followed. He called the neighbours and a doctor.

He tored the calendars depicting Gods/Godesses. He also threw clay idols of them. He believed, worshipped and prayed with full esteem, for our father be cured. Till last day, we prayed, while the doctors, slowly made us realised their incapability six months or more before.

Since then, I never worshipped Gods. May I visited to Puja pandals along with others but never bow.