Year 1995

I was eighteen then. I clearly remember the sorrow then and many times I thought how long the life will be like this. Is the sorrow will be same when I will be 24 years as my imagination was that 24 yrs age is to grownup and have lesser feeling of sorrow or pain. Then how will be when I will be thirty. By then the life will be different and may I will forget that. As a normal person can not draw his future life too far, so my imagination was limited to about the sorrow or the feeling of missing parents in the future.

My father died in the month of April of 1995. My exams of BSC 1st year were in the month of May and anyhow I appeared. During my examination my brother, mother and one of my uncle (i.e. the husband of mother’s younger sister) went to Bilaspur for clearances of my father’s dues from railways. After my exams, I also went to Bilaspur. Later as one dependent of my father will get job, so as per family decision my name was forwarded for the job. The year 1995 passed by appearing in the written exam in the month of July. My mother also suffered from stomach ailments, later diagnosed gall bladder stone and then ulcer. She was operated for gall-stone in july at Bilaspur. Later we all went to Krishnanagar to my mother’s father house.

My viva-voce for job was on 9th of September, and I left Krishnanagar on 6th with my mother admitted in a Nursing home at Krishnanagar. My viva-voce examination was completed on 9th and I started my return journey from Bilaspur on 10th reaching Kolkata on 11th morning. By that time my mother was shifted to SSKM Hospital, otherwise known as P.G. Hospital in Kolkata. I do not have any idea about Kolkata then. My brother came to Howrah station to receive me and to take to the place they were residing near the hospital. It is called “Maharashtra Bhawan” which is 5 minutes walking distance. My mother was shifted from Krishnanagar to Kolkata on 7th. I would like to mention about my cousin brother, Babai-da (Babai-da is elder that me by about 8 or 9 years and is son of my mothers elder sister). He then resides in Kolkata, doing job in various companies, leaving one and joining other. On 7th of September, he was waiting at the hospital gate and on arrival of my mother joined us (other that me). He has given his full time along with my brother and another uncle (Mama, i.e. eldest brother of my mother). My Mama is a Class-I Officer in West Bengal Services and has link with my high profile persons. Actually he brought a recommendation letter from some one for immediate admission to the much queued hospital.

I was a little delighted on staying at Maharashtra Bhawan as then I considered staying at Kolkata is a mark of rich or success. The visiting time to meet the patients are in the evening (I could not remember the exact time, may be for two hours). The hospital authorities had provided us two passes.

I visited my mother on 11th evening after five days. At the time of leaving her, she was on hospital bed, unconscious and I just spoke softly that I was leaving for viva-voce exam and she responded semi-consciously. On 11th evening when I stood beside her bed he realized my presence. She was sleeping or drowsy but said “You returned!” further said “How was the viva voce examination”. I said to her that exam was quite well and asked her not to talk. At that time I was completely unaware that it was the last conversation I had with my mother.

One of the bed numbers of my mother was 13, I remember. On 11th evening her bed no was X-**, means Extra bed number so and so. On visiting her on the evening she was shifted to another bed and its number was normal two digit number without X. Either of the two beds, one has the number 13. The extra beds were arranged on the corridor, and people feel to be lucky to get even an extra bed, compared to patients lying on the floor and were treated.

She has been on blood transfusion continuously as she was loosing blood because of stomach ulcer. After her gall stone operation may have to ulcer developed. She started loosing blood after gall-stone operation and has to be given blood but the doctor “Dr. Bhargava, at Bilaspur, at Bhargava Nursing Home” was unable to find out the cause of blood loss. The lost blood was not coming out even, either through vomiting or through stool. Doctor had done biopsy assuming that she was suffering from blood cancer but the result was negative.

On 12th evening, my mother was swelled. The nurse there told us that she suffered from fever in the afternoon which is generally caused during blood transfusion. After giving medicine for fever and when the temperature came down they again started transfusion. On that day my mother not at all responded to our presence. The Doctors at SSKM hospital had to operate her ulcer, only after the haemoglobin level came to normal and her blood pressure rise to normal which had fallen too low. Each day we were expecting for rise of her blood pressure and haemoglobin level. She not at all responded to us on that evening and I imagined that her swelling as her gaining weight something that she is recovering. After the visiting hours, I had to return to Birnagar which is about 80 kilometres from Sealdah and about three to three and half hour from the hospital. My brother has advised me to bring clothes for him as he was on single wear for the last 6 days. Also we had to inform to our grandmother about our mothers health, as on those days no one nearer to our home has telephone connection at Birnagar.

I was totally ignorant about Kolkata, and my brother directed the way and bus number to go by, to reach Sealdah. Also he told me the bus number for return to the Hospital on the next day, and where to get down and which way to follow. I reached Birnagar at about 10 pm. Grandmother seeing me enquired many things and I replied my only knowledge that my mother is recovering as she looked fatty in the evening. Then I arranged clothes of my brother as I had to catch the train in the next noon to reach Kolkata before the visiting time of the hospital.


I was about to take train from Birnagar at 1.00 pm. I left home at about 12.40 pm to reach station in comfortable time. While I was just about to enter the street to the station about 50 meters away, I saw Budai coming. Budai is my cousin (son of the elder Mama) came from Krishnanagar to Birnagar by bus. The bus route and the way to station divide at the last street. If I had been earlier or he is late by 3 or 4 minutes, we would not have met. He asked me not to go to Kolkata. I explained that I must reach there in time to meet mother and also I am carrying clothes of brother. He said Mama asked me to go to Krishnanagar and then Mama will also go to Kolkata. His answer was reasonable so I started my journey along with him to Krishnanagar. We reached there at about 2.00 pm. I was normal, and still do not know what actually happened. Mama was not in home. Grandmother (Mother’s mother) was crying herself alone slowly along with doing some household work. I felt she was crying as because my mother became sick. I watched TV for some time, as I liked to watch because of colour TV and with cable TV connection. Later after some time Mami came to me and said to me “your mother is too sick since morning”. After some discussion with her she said “your mother may not be still alive”. I asked her what the latest news is. She repeated “your mother may not be still alive”. She said that ulcer had grown to about 3.5 cm, and the doctor at the hospital said that they had not dealt such large ulcer.

Slowly I began to realize the behaviour of other members of the house, the crying of grandmother, coming to Budai to Birnagar and not allowing me to go to Kolkata and other which mean that my mother is no more. After a while Mama returned to house and talked to me. He also started the topic indirectly and I again asked what’s the last news, as Mami clearly avoided answer to my question. Mama explained the situation. He has shown me the Telegram from the SSKM Hospital Authorities to their address mentioned that my mother died in the morning at 4.40 am on 13th September 1995.

My brothers day on 13th started as before by visiting hospital at 8.00 am and enquiring about health and treatment given, medicine to be purchased and blood (Group B negative) to be procured from outside. On reaching hospital my brother found the bed was empty. He asked the watchman who may have said the fact. My brother telephoned to Kaka (father’s brother) residing at Santaldih and to Mama’s neighbour. He also explained the fact to stop me from coming to Kolkata. I imagine if I had not met Budai, then I would have reached Kolkata and will not be able to meet brother who were returning from Kolkata along with the dead body of my mother.

After death, my mother has been kept on watch (which is about 4 hours) in the morgue. After that time she has been released, and my brother, Babai-da, and Babai-da’s uncle (whom Babai-da had called) arranged a matador and returned at about 5 pm to Krishnanagar. In the mean time Mama arranged to bring Grandmother (Father’s mother) from Birnagar. On arrival of my mother’s body, every one started crying. The scene is painful as I now feel crying remembering that. The hospital personnel have put cotton on her nose. Mama has called a cameraman for photograph. Mama said to remove the cotton for photograph. On removing one, the blood started coming out, and so replaced the cotton again. Later I saw the photo having marks of blood in the area nearby the nose.

After then she had been taken to Nabadwip-Ghat for cremation where earlier my father was cremated. We had to wait for our turn for electric cremation. My father was cremated in the same place Nabadwip-Ghat but was on wood pyre. To wait for our turn my mother was on the matador and few people are there, whereas some went for documentation needed, and some for getting the other required materials. I was sitting on the floor of the matador near to the leg of my mother. It was about 7 or 8 pm. The area was illuminated by sodium vapour lamps. The eyes of mother were not completely closed and a little opening was there. I felt an abnormal thing for two to three times. Actually I may want the abnormal to be true. Whenever I used to stand from the sitting position, the light from opposite side of lamp post get reflected from her little opened eyes. This reflection was only for a fraction of second of time, as when I used to stand or sit. The little opened eyes at a particular angle reflect light, and it seemed to me that my mother opened eyes for a moment. I felt this few times, and I was little happy within deep sorrow that my mother is watching me.




Nothing more to say about the year 1995 that I lost my father and mother within five months. My fathers suffering period was long but at the time of his death we were with him. Although the suffering period of my mother was comparatively short, yet she died in hospital bed, alone. She may have wanted to see us for the last time, she may have needed the water to be put on her mouth, or otherwise she was completely unconscious may not have realised the death.

(Thanks to everybody for being with us at the time of suffering of my father and mother.)