Introduction
1995. . .1996 . . .1997. . . 1998 . . .1999
2000 . . .2001 . . .2002 . . .2003 . . .2004
2005 . . .2006 . . .2007 . . .2008 . . .2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Introduction
The last fourteen years. Why am I writing this? Actually today is 4th April 2009 and tomorrow is the death anniversary of my father. He died 14 years ago in the year 1995. It was the early morning at about 4.00 am. My mother came to our room in which I was sleeping along with my brother. By her shouting we suddenly woke up. My grandmother in another room also got awake. I was ignorant that my father will die soon. My father was suffering from throat cancer. His stage of cancer was advanced but we did not know when he will die. My brother knowed that how will he die, and seeing the stage in the morning he realized that. He immediately went outside shouting loudly. He called neighbours, friends and the doctor nearby.
My father died at about 4.30 in the morning. When my mother called us, it was bleeding from the wound. We used to wrap the wound with cotton and bandage, to protect from outside and also the pus coming out get absorbed. By seeing the bleeding, we prepared a bandage but it was of no help as the bleeding is in the last stage as whole blood from the body has come out. When the bleeding started my father realizing that awaked my mother sleeping beside. Then only mother came to know and called us. I imagine the senses of human, as my father was in extreme end of his life, did not talk or unable to talk or eat has awaked. It may be his wish to see all of us before dying or may he needed some help or suffering from extreme pain or has wished for us to see him for the last time.
After putting the bandage we took out the bed sheet soaked in blood and changed his wear. He was lying asked to make him sit on the bed. We make him sit and unable to retain the sitting position fell aside on the bed. I was confused as what to do. After that he did not asked for sitting again. He said he is feeling pain in the chest. Mother rubbed on his chest. Mother asked me to give him water. I was unaware then that giving water is a symbol that “dying people is given water”. I poured small quantity of water still not realized that he will die within few minutes. The doctor has come by then. The doctor seeing this, said that nothing could be done at Birnagar and he may be taken to Ranaghat, a town near our native place. But the astonishing fact is that on seeing the doctor my father recognised him and gestured to give him seat by placing his left palm on the bed twice.
I used to grasp his palm tightly with mine and he replied similarly by pressing my palm. May be before a minute of his dying, I had done so and he replied by pressing my palm. Today I feel the delight that even in the last second of ones life, the person live with full strength. Otherwise just before dying he would not have done that. After then he swallowed may be the remaining saliva and it was his last body movement.
Now the object of writing this is how the last 14 years passed without my parents (as my mother also died five months later).
My father died at about 4.30 in the morning. When my mother called us, it was bleeding from the wound. We used to wrap the wound with cotton and bandage, to protect from outside and also the pus coming out get absorbed. By seeing the bleeding, we prepared a bandage but it was of no help as the bleeding is in the last stage as whole blood from the body has come out. When the bleeding started my father realizing that awaked my mother sleeping beside. Then only mother came to know and called us. I imagine the senses of human, as my father was in extreme end of his life, did not talk or unable to talk or eat has awaked. It may be his wish to see all of us before dying or may he needed some help or suffering from extreme pain or has wished for us to see him for the last time.
After putting the bandage we took out the bed sheet soaked in blood and changed his wear. He was lying asked to make him sit on the bed. We make him sit and unable to retain the sitting position fell aside on the bed. I was confused as what to do. After that he did not asked for sitting again. He said he is feeling pain in the chest. Mother rubbed on his chest. Mother asked me to give him water. I was unaware then that giving water is a symbol that “dying people is given water”. I poured small quantity of water still not realized that he will die within few minutes. The doctor has come by then. The doctor seeing this, said that nothing could be done at Birnagar and he may be taken to Ranaghat, a town near our native place. But the astonishing fact is that on seeing the doctor my father recognised him and gestured to give him seat by placing his left palm on the bed twice.
I used to grasp his palm tightly with mine and he replied similarly by pressing my palm. May be before a minute of his dying, I had done so and he replied by pressing my palm. Today I feel the delight that even in the last second of ones life, the person live with full strength. Otherwise just before dying he would not have done that. After then he swallowed may be the remaining saliva and it was his last body movement.
Now the object of writing this is how the last 14 years passed without my parents (as my mother also died five months later).
Year 1995
I was eighteen then. I clearly remember the sorrow then and many times I thought how long the life will be like this. Is the sorrow will be same when I will be 24 years as my imagination was that 24 yrs age is to grownup and have lesser feeling of sorrow or pain. Then how will be when I will be thirty. By then the life will be different and may I will forget that. As a normal person can not draw his future life too far, so my imagination was limited to about the sorrow or the feeling of missing parents in the future.
My father died in the month of April of 1995. My exams of BSC 1st year were in the month of May and anyhow I appeared. During my examination my brother, mother and one of my uncle (i.e. the husband of mother’s younger sister) went to Bilaspur for clearances of my father’s dues from railways. After my exams, I also went to Bilaspur. Later as one dependent of my father will get job, so as per family decision my name was forwarded for the job. The year 1995 passed by appearing in the written exam in the month of July. My mother also suffered from stomach ailments, later diagnosed gall bladder stone and then ulcer. She was operated for gall-stone in july at Bilaspur. Later we all went to Krishnanagar to my mother’s father house.
My viva-voce for job was on 9th of September, and I left Krishnanagar on 6th with my mother admitted in a Nursing home at Krishnanagar. My viva-voce examination was completed on 9th and I started my return journey from Bilaspur on 10th reaching Kolkata on 11th morning. By that time my mother was shifted to SSKM Hospital, otherwise known as P.G. Hospital in Kolkata. I do not have any idea about Kolkata then. My brother came to Howrah station to receive me and to take to the place they were residing near the hospital. It is called “Maharashtra Bhawan” which is 5 minutes walking distance. My mother was shifted from Krishnanagar to Kolkata on 7th. I would like to mention about my cousin brother, Babai-da (Babai-da is elder that me by about 8 or 9 years and is son of my mothers elder sister). He then resides in Kolkata, doing job in various companies, leaving one and joining other. On 7th of September, he was waiting at the hospital gate and on arrival of my mother joined us (other that me). He has given his full time along with my brother and another uncle (Mama, i.e. eldest brother of my mother). My Mama is a Class-I Officer in West Bengal Services and has link with my high profile persons. Actually he brought a recommendation letter from some one for immediate admission to the much queued hospital.
I was a little delighted on staying at Maharashtra Bhawan as then I considered staying at Kolkata is a mark of rich or success. The visiting time to meet the patients are in the evening (I could not remember the exact time, may be for two hours). The hospital authorities had provided us two passes.
I visited my mother on 11th evening after five days. At the time of leaving her, she was on hospital bed, unconscious and I just spoke softly that I was leaving for viva-voce exam and she responded semi-consciously. On 11th evening when I stood beside her bed he realized my presence. She was sleeping or drowsy but said “You returned!” further said “How was the viva voce examination”. I said to her that exam was quite well and asked her not to talk. At that time I was completely unaware that it was the last conversation I had with my mother.
One of the bed numbers of my mother was 13, I remember. On 11th evening her bed no was X-**, means Extra bed number so and so. On visiting her on the evening she was shifted to another bed and its number was normal two digit number without X. Either of the two beds, one has the number 13. The extra beds were arranged on the corridor, and people feel to be lucky to get even an extra bed, compared to patients lying on the floor and were treated.
She has been on blood transfusion continuously as she was loosing blood because of stomach ulcer. After her gall stone operation may have to ulcer developed. She started loosing blood after gall-stone operation and has to be given blood but the doctor “Dr. Bhargava, at Bilaspur, at Bhargava Nursing Home” was unable to find out the cause of blood loss. The lost blood was not coming out even, either through vomiting or through stool. Doctor had done biopsy assuming that she was suffering from blood cancer but the result was negative.
On 12th evening, my mother was swelled. The nurse there told us that she suffered from fever in the afternoon which is generally caused during blood transfusion. After giving medicine for fever and when the temperature came down they again started transfusion. On that day my mother not at all responded to our presence. The Doctors at SSKM hospital had to operate her ulcer, only after the haemoglobin level came to normal and her blood pressure rise to normal which had fallen too low. Each day we were expecting for rise of her blood pressure and haemoglobin level. She not at all responded to us on that evening and I imagined that her swelling as her gaining weight something that she is recovering. After the visiting hours, I had to return to Birnagar which is about 80 kilometres from Sealdah and about three to three and half hour from the hospital. My brother has advised me to bring clothes for him as he was on single wear for the last 6 days. Also we had to inform to our grandmother about our mothers health, as on those days no one nearer to our home has telephone connection at Birnagar.
I was totally ignorant about Kolkata, and my brother directed the way and bus number to go by, to reach Sealdah. Also he told me the bus number for return to the Hospital on the next day, and where to get down and which way to follow. I reached Birnagar at about 10 pm. Grandmother seeing me enquired many things and I replied my only knowledge that my mother is recovering as she looked fatty in the evening. Then I arranged clothes of my brother as I had to catch the train in the next noon to reach Kolkata before the visiting time of the hospital.
I was about to take train from Birnagar at 1.00 pm. I left home at about 12.40 pm to reach station in comfortable time. While I was just about to enter the street to the station about 50 meters away, I saw Budai coming. Budai is my cousin (son of the elder Mama) came from Krishnanagar to Birnagar by bus. The bus route and the way to station divide at the last street. If I had been earlier or he is late by 3 or 4 minutes, we would not have met. He asked me not to go to Kolkata. I explained that I must reach there in time to meet mother and also I am carrying clothes of brother. He said Mama asked me to go to Krishnanagar and then Mama will also go to Kolkata. His answer was reasonable so I started my journey along with him to Krishnanagar. We reached there at about 2.00 pm. I was normal, and still do not know what actually happened. Mama was not in home. Grandmother (Mother’s mother) was crying herself alone slowly along with doing some household work. I felt she was crying as because my mother became sick. I watched TV for some time, as I liked to watch because of colour TV and with cable TV connection. Later after some time Mami came to me and said to me “your mother is too sick since morning”. After some discussion with her she said “your mother may not be still alive”. I asked her what the latest news is. She repeated “your mother may not be still alive”. She said that ulcer had grown to about 3.5 cm, and the doctor at the hospital said that they had not dealt such large ulcer.
Slowly I began to realize the behaviour of other members of the house, the crying of grandmother, coming to Budai to Birnagar and not allowing me to go to Kolkata and other which mean that my mother is no more. After a while Mama returned to house and talked to me. He also started the topic indirectly and I again asked what’s the last news, as Mami clearly avoided answer to my question. Mama explained the situation. He has shown me the Telegram from the SSKM Hospital Authorities to their address mentioned that my mother died in the morning at 4.40 am on 13th September 1995.
My brothers day on 13th started as before by visiting hospital at 8.00 am and enquiring about health and treatment given, medicine to be purchased and blood (Group B negative) to be procured from outside. On reaching hospital my brother found the bed was empty. He asked the watchman who may have said the fact. My brother telephoned to Kaka (father’s brother) residing at Santaldih and to Mama’s neighbour. He also explained the fact to stop me from coming to Kolkata. I imagine if I had not met Budai, then I would have reached Kolkata and will not be able to meet brother who were returning from Kolkata along with the dead body of my mother.
After death, my mother has been kept on watch (which is about 4 hours) in the morgue. After that time she has been released, and my brother, Babai-da, and Babai-da’s uncle (whom Babai-da had called) arranged a matador and returned at about 5 pm to Krishnanagar. In the mean time Mama arranged to bring Grandmother (Father’s mother) from Birnagar. On arrival of my mother’s body, every one started crying. The scene is painful as I now feel crying remembering that. The hospital personnel have put cotton on her nose. Mama has called a cameraman for photograph. Mama said to remove the cotton for photograph. On removing one, the blood started coming out, and so replaced the cotton again. Later I saw the photo having marks of blood in the area nearby the nose.
After then she had been taken to Nabadwip-Ghat for cremation where earlier my father was cremated. We had to wait for our turn for electric cremation. My father was cremated in the same place Nabadwip-Ghat but was on wood pyre. To wait for our turn my mother was on the matador and few people are there, whereas some went for documentation needed, and some for getting the other required materials. I was sitting on the floor of the matador near to the leg of my mother. It was about 7 or 8 pm. The area was illuminated by sodium vapour lamps. The eyes of mother were not completely closed and a little opening was there. I felt an abnormal thing for two to three times. Actually I may want the abnormal to be true. Whenever I used to stand from the sitting position, the light from opposite side of lamp post get reflected from her little opened eyes. This reflection was only for a fraction of second of time, as when I used to stand or sit. The little opened eyes at a particular angle reflect light, and it seemed to me that my mother opened eyes for a moment. I felt this few times, and I was little happy within deep sorrow that my mother is watching me.
Nothing more to say about the year 1995 that I lost my father and mother within five months. My fathers suffering period was long but at the time of his death we were with him. Although the suffering period of my mother was comparatively short, yet she died in hospital bed, alone. She may have wanted to see us for the last time, she may have needed the water to be put on her mouth, or otherwise she was completely unconscious may not have realised the death.
(Thanks to everybody for being with us at the time of suffering of my father and mother.)
My father died in the month of April of 1995. My exams of BSC 1st year were in the month of May and anyhow I appeared. During my examination my brother, mother and one of my uncle (i.e. the husband of mother’s younger sister) went to Bilaspur for clearances of my father’s dues from railways. After my exams, I also went to Bilaspur. Later as one dependent of my father will get job, so as per family decision my name was forwarded for the job. The year 1995 passed by appearing in the written exam in the month of July. My mother also suffered from stomach ailments, later diagnosed gall bladder stone and then ulcer. She was operated for gall-stone in july at Bilaspur. Later we all went to Krishnanagar to my mother’s father house.
My viva-voce for job was on 9th of September, and I left Krishnanagar on 6th with my mother admitted in a Nursing home at Krishnanagar. My viva-voce examination was completed on 9th and I started my return journey from Bilaspur on 10th reaching Kolkata on 11th morning. By that time my mother was shifted to SSKM Hospital, otherwise known as P.G. Hospital in Kolkata. I do not have any idea about Kolkata then. My brother came to Howrah station to receive me and to take to the place they were residing near the hospital. It is called “Maharashtra Bhawan” which is 5 minutes walking distance. My mother was shifted from Krishnanagar to Kolkata on 7th. I would like to mention about my cousin brother, Babai-da (Babai-da is elder that me by about 8 or 9 years and is son of my mothers elder sister). He then resides in Kolkata, doing job in various companies, leaving one and joining other. On 7th of September, he was waiting at the hospital gate and on arrival of my mother joined us (other that me). He has given his full time along with my brother and another uncle (Mama, i.e. eldest brother of my mother). My Mama is a Class-I Officer in West Bengal Services and has link with my high profile persons. Actually he brought a recommendation letter from some one for immediate admission to the much queued hospital.
I was a little delighted on staying at Maharashtra Bhawan as then I considered staying at Kolkata is a mark of rich or success. The visiting time to meet the patients are in the evening (I could not remember the exact time, may be for two hours). The hospital authorities had provided us two passes.
I visited my mother on 11th evening after five days. At the time of leaving her, she was on hospital bed, unconscious and I just spoke softly that I was leaving for viva-voce exam and she responded semi-consciously. On 11th evening when I stood beside her bed he realized my presence. She was sleeping or drowsy but said “You returned!” further said “How was the viva voce examination”. I said to her that exam was quite well and asked her not to talk. At that time I was completely unaware that it was the last conversation I had with my mother.
One of the bed numbers of my mother was 13, I remember. On 11th evening her bed no was X-**, means Extra bed number so and so. On visiting her on the evening she was shifted to another bed and its number was normal two digit number without X. Either of the two beds, one has the number 13. The extra beds were arranged on the corridor, and people feel to be lucky to get even an extra bed, compared to patients lying on the floor and were treated.
She has been on blood transfusion continuously as she was loosing blood because of stomach ulcer. After her gall stone operation may have to ulcer developed. She started loosing blood after gall-stone operation and has to be given blood but the doctor “Dr. Bhargava, at Bilaspur, at Bhargava Nursing Home” was unable to find out the cause of blood loss. The lost blood was not coming out even, either through vomiting or through stool. Doctor had done biopsy assuming that she was suffering from blood cancer but the result was negative.
On 12th evening, my mother was swelled. The nurse there told us that she suffered from fever in the afternoon which is generally caused during blood transfusion. After giving medicine for fever and when the temperature came down they again started transfusion. On that day my mother not at all responded to our presence. The Doctors at SSKM hospital had to operate her ulcer, only after the haemoglobin level came to normal and her blood pressure rise to normal which had fallen too low. Each day we were expecting for rise of her blood pressure and haemoglobin level. She not at all responded to us on that evening and I imagined that her swelling as her gaining weight something that she is recovering. After the visiting hours, I had to return to Birnagar which is about 80 kilometres from Sealdah and about three to three and half hour from the hospital. My brother has advised me to bring clothes for him as he was on single wear for the last 6 days. Also we had to inform to our grandmother about our mothers health, as on those days no one nearer to our home has telephone connection at Birnagar.
I was totally ignorant about Kolkata, and my brother directed the way and bus number to go by, to reach Sealdah. Also he told me the bus number for return to the Hospital on the next day, and where to get down and which way to follow. I reached Birnagar at about 10 pm. Grandmother seeing me enquired many things and I replied my only knowledge that my mother is recovering as she looked fatty in the evening. Then I arranged clothes of my brother as I had to catch the train in the next noon to reach Kolkata before the visiting time of the hospital.
I was about to take train from Birnagar at 1.00 pm. I left home at about 12.40 pm to reach station in comfortable time. While I was just about to enter the street to the station about 50 meters away, I saw Budai coming. Budai is my cousin (son of the elder Mama) came from Krishnanagar to Birnagar by bus. The bus route and the way to station divide at the last street. If I had been earlier or he is late by 3 or 4 minutes, we would not have met. He asked me not to go to Kolkata. I explained that I must reach there in time to meet mother and also I am carrying clothes of brother. He said Mama asked me to go to Krishnanagar and then Mama will also go to Kolkata. His answer was reasonable so I started my journey along with him to Krishnanagar. We reached there at about 2.00 pm. I was normal, and still do not know what actually happened. Mama was not in home. Grandmother (Mother’s mother) was crying herself alone slowly along with doing some household work. I felt she was crying as because my mother became sick. I watched TV for some time, as I liked to watch because of colour TV and with cable TV connection. Later after some time Mami came to me and said to me “your mother is too sick since morning”. After some discussion with her she said “your mother may not be still alive”. I asked her what the latest news is. She repeated “your mother may not be still alive”. She said that ulcer had grown to about 3.5 cm, and the doctor at the hospital said that they had not dealt such large ulcer.
Slowly I began to realize the behaviour of other members of the house, the crying of grandmother, coming to Budai to Birnagar and not allowing me to go to Kolkata and other which mean that my mother is no more. After a while Mama returned to house and talked to me. He also started the topic indirectly and I again asked what’s the last news, as Mami clearly avoided answer to my question. Mama explained the situation. He has shown me the Telegram from the SSKM Hospital Authorities to their address mentioned that my mother died in the morning at 4.40 am on 13th September 1995.
My brothers day on 13th started as before by visiting hospital at 8.00 am and enquiring about health and treatment given, medicine to be purchased and blood (Group B negative) to be procured from outside. On reaching hospital my brother found the bed was empty. He asked the watchman who may have said the fact. My brother telephoned to Kaka (father’s brother) residing at Santaldih and to Mama’s neighbour. He also explained the fact to stop me from coming to Kolkata. I imagine if I had not met Budai, then I would have reached Kolkata and will not be able to meet brother who were returning from Kolkata along with the dead body of my mother.
After death, my mother has been kept on watch (which is about 4 hours) in the morgue. After that time she has been released, and my brother, Babai-da, and Babai-da’s uncle (whom Babai-da had called) arranged a matador and returned at about 5 pm to Krishnanagar. In the mean time Mama arranged to bring Grandmother (Father’s mother) from Birnagar. On arrival of my mother’s body, every one started crying. The scene is painful as I now feel crying remembering that. The hospital personnel have put cotton on her nose. Mama has called a cameraman for photograph. Mama said to remove the cotton for photograph. On removing one, the blood started coming out, and so replaced the cotton again. Later I saw the photo having marks of blood in the area nearby the nose.
After then she had been taken to Nabadwip-Ghat for cremation where earlier my father was cremated. We had to wait for our turn for electric cremation. My father was cremated in the same place Nabadwip-Ghat but was on wood pyre. To wait for our turn my mother was on the matador and few people are there, whereas some went for documentation needed, and some for getting the other required materials. I was sitting on the floor of the matador near to the leg of my mother. It was about 7 or 8 pm. The area was illuminated by sodium vapour lamps. The eyes of mother were not completely closed and a little opening was there. I felt an abnormal thing for two to three times. Actually I may want the abnormal to be true. Whenever I used to stand from the sitting position, the light from opposite side of lamp post get reflected from her little opened eyes. This reflection was only for a fraction of second of time, as when I used to stand or sit. The little opened eyes at a particular angle reflect light, and it seemed to me that my mother opened eyes for a moment. I felt this few times, and I was little happy within deep sorrow that my mother is watching me.
Nothing more to say about the year 1995 that I lost my father and mother within five months. My fathers suffering period was long but at the time of his death we were with him. Although the suffering period of my mother was comparatively short, yet she died in hospital bed, alone. She may have wanted to see us for the last time, she may have needed the water to be put on her mouth, or otherwise she was completely unconscious may not have realised the death.
(Thanks to everybody for being with us at the time of suffering of my father and mother.)
Year 1996
The start of 1996 was not at all dull for me, as I remember that due to invitation cum insist from my school friends, I had to celebrate 31st night.
I had to visit to Railway Office to know the process of my appointment. I finally joined South Eastern Railways, Bilaspur Division (now Bilaspur Division is in South East Central Railway) on 28th of February 1996. At that time my brother Kingshuk was with me at Bilaspur / Uslapur. He loves me a lot. He is elder to me and has big ambitions. He is not of the opinion to rise slowly in life but to start with a jump. In actual he failed in many projects he undertook as a profession. Now he is somewhat establishing. He then was planning to buy goods carriage vehicles, later he bought also, and his judgement was that he will be able to manage good amount of money. He then many times told me that in future I should leave my job as he will earn a lot.
On the last day before joining I was depressed. Suddenly my life will be locked in job. Yet I joined and after my joining I had to change my residence from Uslapur to Bilaspur. Then Shantanu Ghosh, Station Master of Uslapur has arranged a quarter on sharing with Bikash Das. I thing I must tell that, one girl wept on our leaving. She is elder sister of Mohan. We and Mohan were on adjacent quarters from our childhood may be for 18 years.
On shifting to Bikash’s house (quarter no 797/1, Construction Colony), Kingshuk started feeling uncomfortable with staying with others, asked me to search for a separate house, though it was not realised.
My job days were supportive from the staff, but I did not like the office environment at all. I got separated from my school friends and they were then going to college and I had to go to office. Inferiority complex developed on me. I avoid going to friends house as many peoples asked, “what you are doing”, and to their reply I felt my answer to low that I have to go for job. Also my job was not of a kind, I had expected. It was a workshop type environment, with many illiterate people, many old people, some chewing tobacco, and do not have topic of discussion of young people. The work of the office (RCC office) is related to maintenance of equipments installed at “traction Power Control Room”. Such maintenance include outstation visit to smaller units. The work consists of cleaning equipments, and some technical repair. I felt the job to be below the dignity of me and my school friends.
At office I go two good persons; they can really be called guide and good friend. Amongst many staff, I got attached to them. They are Mr. J.S.Jacob and Mukesh Sharma. Jacob came on transfer from Bhilai Loco Shed to Bilaspur and joined Bilaspur RCC office about one month after my joining. Mukesh Sharma came from Bhilai PSI office. He may have joined about a year later.
Jacob was very caring to me. He never hesitated in spending money for others. Actually he is also very religious and always used to donate one third of his salary to the Church. He also worked a lot for maintenance and development of the church. The church “Bethany Prayer House” is built mostly due to his family’s effort and financial contribution. He resigned from the job of Railways may be in the year 2002.
Mukesh have very very technical knowledge. He is “Diploma Electrical Engineer” and always used to learn new things, every other than electrical. He himself learnt computer, and always tried to figure out the hardware and software related problems. He was the best to learn the newly installed “Supervisory Control and Data Acquisition” (SCADA) equipments at RCC. He is now working as TPC in Nagpur.
I must mention about my Supervisor at RCC. His name was Mr T.K.Das. His qualification was BSC math-Honours. He too was very caring to me. He always used to invite me to his house and was very sympathetic to me. But I feel very sorrow to mention that his elder daughter got expired at the age of about 15 years due to kidney ailments in the year (probably 1999). Few days back Mukesh informed me from Nagpur that Me T.K.Das died about a year back, i.e. in 2008. His death was also painless, as described by Mukesh and I thankful that the person of very good nature got such peaceful death. I feel it’s my duty to meet his family.
Also I must mention about Mr. S.C.Sinha. He on his own interest came on transfer from Kharagpur to Bilaspur. His inlaws are at Santragachi. He was also very helpful to me and offered food at his place many many times, but actually used to force others to eat more and more. He constructed house and is still in the same office since long time.
I had to visit to Railway Office to know the process of my appointment. I finally joined South Eastern Railways, Bilaspur Division (now Bilaspur Division is in South East Central Railway) on 28th of February 1996. At that time my brother Kingshuk was with me at Bilaspur / Uslapur. He loves me a lot. He is elder to me and has big ambitions. He is not of the opinion to rise slowly in life but to start with a jump. In actual he failed in many projects he undertook as a profession. Now he is somewhat establishing. He then was planning to buy goods carriage vehicles, later he bought also, and his judgement was that he will be able to manage good amount of money. He then many times told me that in future I should leave my job as he will earn a lot.
On the last day before joining I was depressed. Suddenly my life will be locked in job. Yet I joined and after my joining I had to change my residence from Uslapur to Bilaspur. Then Shantanu Ghosh, Station Master of Uslapur has arranged a quarter on sharing with Bikash Das. I thing I must tell that, one girl wept on our leaving. She is elder sister of Mohan. We and Mohan were on adjacent quarters from our childhood may be for 18 years.
On shifting to Bikash’s house (quarter no 797/1, Construction Colony), Kingshuk started feeling uncomfortable with staying with others, asked me to search for a separate house, though it was not realised.
My job days were supportive from the staff, but I did not like the office environment at all. I got separated from my school friends and they were then going to college and I had to go to office. Inferiority complex developed on me. I avoid going to friends house as many peoples asked, “what you are doing”, and to their reply I felt my answer to low that I have to go for job. Also my job was not of a kind, I had expected. It was a workshop type environment, with many illiterate people, many old people, some chewing tobacco, and do not have topic of discussion of young people. The work of the office (RCC office) is related to maintenance of equipments installed at “traction Power Control Room”. Such maintenance include outstation visit to smaller units. The work consists of cleaning equipments, and some technical repair. I felt the job to be below the dignity of me and my school friends.
At office I go two good persons; they can really be called guide and good friend. Amongst many staff, I got attached to them. They are Mr. J.S.Jacob and Mukesh Sharma. Jacob came on transfer from Bhilai Loco Shed to Bilaspur and joined Bilaspur RCC office about one month after my joining. Mukesh Sharma came from Bhilai PSI office. He may have joined about a year later.
Jacob was very caring to me. He never hesitated in spending money for others. Actually he is also very religious and always used to donate one third of his salary to the Church. He also worked a lot for maintenance and development of the church. The church “Bethany Prayer House” is built mostly due to his family’s effort and financial contribution. He resigned from the job of Railways may be in the year 2002.
Mukesh have very very technical knowledge. He is “Diploma Electrical Engineer” and always used to learn new things, every other than electrical. He himself learnt computer, and always tried to figure out the hardware and software related problems. He was the best to learn the newly installed “Supervisory Control and Data Acquisition” (SCADA) equipments at RCC. He is now working as TPC in Nagpur.
I must mention about my Supervisor at RCC. His name was Mr T.K.Das. His qualification was BSC math-Honours. He too was very caring to me. He always used to invite me to his house and was very sympathetic to me. But I feel very sorrow to mention that his elder daughter got expired at the age of about 15 years due to kidney ailments in the year (probably 1999). Few days back Mukesh informed me from Nagpur that Me T.K.Das died about a year back, i.e. in 2008. His death was also painless, as described by Mukesh and I thankful that the person of very good nature got such peaceful death. I feel it’s my duty to meet his family.
Also I must mention about Mr. S.C.Sinha. He on his own interest came on transfer from Kharagpur to Bilaspur. His inlaws are at Santragachi. He was also very helpful to me and offered food at his place many many times, but actually used to force others to eat more and more. He constructed house and is still in the same office since long time.
Year 1997
I remembered at the beginning of 1997, I suffered from fever. Actually from the beginning or mid of April I got sick. I remember in the hot noon of April, I was returning from office for lunch. It’s very hot and sunny, and I was cycling but I was shivering. In those times I used to suffer from fever for a week of sometimes fifteen days every year. I took medicine from doctor of allopath and homoeopath but that not helped. Later I was admitted to Railway hospital at Bilaspur by Jacob. He favoured me very much. I was at hospital for eight days and he used to bring food from his house three times a day. Jacob’s mother was Matron at that hospital and because of that he managed my treatment under a better doctor of the hospital rather than the ward physician. After discharge from the hospital, I returned to my house and I was staying alone at my quarter, as because Bikash (my roommate) got transferred from Bilaspur to “Garden Reach”, S.E.Railway’s headquarter. Jacob then also for a long time used to bring food for me at my place. Jacob has done many things for me, and used to accompany me for many things.
One of my concerns at that time was my educational qualification. My qualification was then 12th pass. If I had done three years graduation course regularly it would have been completed by 1997. I had enrolled at IGNOU, Bilaspur for BSC, but due to change in life, going to office, and after office had to cook food, all due to such kind of things I was unable to start studies. Later suffered from fever and whose effect lasted for about a month. Later on suggestion from friends, I joined a computer training programme from LCC InfoTech and had done one year Honours Diploma in Computer Application. The one year course has been completed by me in about twenty months.
The owner of the quarter in which I was staying got transferred to Kolkata and he has to vacate the railway quarter at Bilaspur. Then I started searching for another residence and finally shifted to the quarter of Gautam Dey (quarter no 771/A Construction Colony) in the month of March 1997. There also in the beginning I was feeling uncomfortable with Gautam Dey and Gautam Biswas. Gradually I was adjusted by them. In that quarter they also had a cook which solved a big problem. Gautam Biswas also got transferred to Kharagpur in 1998.
One of my concerns at that time was my educational qualification. My qualification was then 12th pass. If I had done three years graduation course regularly it would have been completed by 1997. I had enrolled at IGNOU, Bilaspur for BSC, but due to change in life, going to office, and after office had to cook food, all due to such kind of things I was unable to start studies. Later suffered from fever and whose effect lasted for about a month. Later on suggestion from friends, I joined a computer training programme from LCC InfoTech and had done one year Honours Diploma in Computer Application. The one year course has been completed by me in about twenty months.
The owner of the quarter in which I was staying got transferred to Kolkata and he has to vacate the railway quarter at Bilaspur. Then I started searching for another residence and finally shifted to the quarter of Gautam Dey (quarter no 771/A Construction Colony) in the month of March 1997. There also in the beginning I was feeling uncomfortable with Gautam Dey and Gautam Biswas. Gradually I was adjusted by them. In that quarter they also had a cook which solved a big problem. Gautam Biswas also got transferred to Kharagpur in 1998.
Year 1998
I joined M.P.Bhoj Open University for BCA, as an alternative to BSc to get a Bachelors Degree. The university opened about 5 years back. Shishir Saxena, my classmate advised me to go for BCA rather than BSc, though it matters nothing in Railways. After joining, I met with two other students, and we became friends. One of them is Amit Shrivas and other is Vinod Soni. Both of them were diploma engineers. Amit was about of my age, whereas Vinod is younger by 2 or 3 years. Amit was working in some Edible Oil manufacturing company, and also doing part-time course for BE. Vinod was preparing for exams in Government organisation along with BCA. Later in the year 2003 Amit got job in Railways as Asst. Driver in Kharagpur division and later got transferred to Bilaspur division. Vinod got job in a private company “Prakash Industries” at Champa near to Bilaspur.
Year 1999
In the year 1999, I completed three years of service cum training in railways. Until a person becomes regular, he is deprived of some incentives like travelling allowance, bonus, over-time etc. Although I will have to do the same as I was doing, yet the letter of completion of training is to be attached in the service record. For being absorbed as regular, Mr. Mohanty DEE/TRD/Bilaspur conducted test of mine and asked few things, although I had not given the answers of all questions. So I became regular on or after 28/2/1999.
Actually I never liked the TRD department, so I tried for inter departmental transfer from TRD to Accounts. I had applied through many contacts. Later with many efforts of Mr. Sanjib Majumder Sr.SO/Admn./Accounts/Bilaspur and with approval and support of Mr. Sanjay Kumar Sr.DAO/Bilaspur the transfer letter saw a ray of hope.
Actually I never liked the TRD department, so I tried for inter departmental transfer from TRD to Accounts. I had applied through many contacts. Later with many efforts of Mr. Sanjib Majumder Sr.SO/Admn./Accounts/Bilaspur and with approval and support of Mr. Sanjay Kumar Sr.DAO/Bilaspur the transfer letter saw a ray of hope.
Year 2000
The process of transfer to Accounts department was on the way. I remember the departmental officer of TRD Mr. Mendhekar, (Very very angry man) who does not want the transfer delayed my application for transfer. Later on pressure from Mr. Sanjay Kumar has forwarded. The transfer of department was to be approved by Head of Departments, i.e. from the office of Garden Reach, and this was taking much time. So Mr. Sanjay Kumar approached somewhere and has issued letter for inter-departmental transfer on deputation basis till approved by HODs. By then the order came, my departmental officer Sr.DEE/TRD has been changed and he also having an ego problem with Sr.DAO delaying my release from my existing department. Later on an afternoon after having argument with Sr.DAO had scolded me, and told my immediate supervisor for my release. It was 25th of August 2000, Friday, and I joined Accounts department the same day evening but paper work done on 28th August, Monday.
My days of work in Accounts department were very good to me. After working in TRD the environment is completely changed. Earlier I was among all low literate people and they do not have any thing left for modifying or making them better. Whereas in Accounts many always engaged in official work and they are all learned.
The accounts office was on the first floor above the Sr.DPO office. I was posted in “Books Section” on recommendation from Mr. Sanjib Majumder, and this was really a good section with good supervisor. My section in charge was Mr. Sanath Banerjee Sr.SO/Books/Bilaspur and he always liked me and other staff of his section. Actually he is simple and good person. My other collegues there were Mr. Sudarshan Gupta, AA/Bilaspur, Mr. Venkat Rao JAA/Bilaspur, Mrs. Mahima Topno, AA/BSP, Mr. Biju.K.B, JAA/Bilaspur, Mr. Kar, AA/Bilaspur, and Mrs. Kujur, AA/Bilaspur, later joined Mr. Bipul Biswas, JAA/Bilaspur.
Mr. Sudarshan Gupta, we used to call him Gupta-ji was our team leader, though sometimes harsh in talking but always used to favour every one of us. If anyone has any problem and has to leave the office, Gupta-ji allows to make him go, and managing the boss. In the beginning, I used to dislike due to his harsh talks, but slowly realising his decisions, his equal treatment and other things, I started liking him. He is always ready to help.
My days of work in Accounts department were very good to me. After working in TRD the environment is completely changed. Earlier I was among all low literate people and they do not have any thing left for modifying or making them better. Whereas in Accounts many always engaged in official work and they are all learned.
The accounts office was on the first floor above the Sr.DPO office. I was posted in “Books Section” on recommendation from Mr. Sanjib Majumder, and this was really a good section with good supervisor. My section in charge was Mr. Sanath Banerjee Sr.SO/Books/Bilaspur and he always liked me and other staff of his section. Actually he is simple and good person. My other collegues there were Mr. Sudarshan Gupta, AA/Bilaspur, Mr. Venkat Rao JAA/Bilaspur, Mrs. Mahima Topno, AA/BSP, Mr. Biju.K.B, JAA/Bilaspur, Mr. Kar, AA/Bilaspur, and Mrs. Kujur, AA/Bilaspur, later joined Mr. Bipul Biswas, JAA/Bilaspur.
Mr. Sudarshan Gupta, we used to call him Gupta-ji was our team leader, though sometimes harsh in talking but always used to favour every one of us. If anyone has any problem and has to leave the office, Gupta-ji allows to make him go, and managing the boss. In the beginning, I used to dislike due to his harsh talks, but slowly realising his decisions, his equal treatment and other things, I started liking him. He is always ready to help.
Year 2001
My graduation was over and I got degree of BCA. It’s a great achievement and greatly needed by me.
I got a chance to visit to Bankura in this year. It’s a small town in West Bengal. Actually I had to bring back Mrs. Majumder from there her sister’s home. There I met the children Sharmistha Ray (Mum), Durba Mitra (Pinki / Buron), and Bhaskar Mitra (Bablue). In those times I was too shy and was unable to start talking with anyone, and if it were girls, it’s out of question. Anyhow passed two days with them and returned. Now to mention in 2009, that I am very well acquainted with them, and good friends.
I suffered from fever for about one and half months then. I used to suffer from fever every year for about a week to two weeks. It started from 1996, though it took a major form in the year 1997. I visited doctors of Railway-Hospital but of no help. Then consulted homoeopathy and did not go for those medicines for long.
Those days I had good contact with my cousin sister Swati Mukherjee, staying at Kanpur and is elder than me by three months. I used to write letters and she replied. I mentioned my disease only to her among my relatives. I remembered that for the whole day I used to be fit and during night at about 1 am to 2 am I felt shiver and cold, then ran the high temperature. I was awake up to 4 or 5 am and by then the temperature got down. It continued for few days. I feared before going to sleep, that again the fever going to come.
Later I visited Dr. Dubey M.D. (Cardio). He suspected that due to dust allergy I was suffering from continuous fever. He prescribed medicines, and a mask for protection from dust. After four or five days of completion of medicines, the fever gets under control.
I got a chance to visit to Bankura in this year. It’s a small town in West Bengal. Actually I had to bring back Mrs. Majumder from there her sister’s home. There I met the children Sharmistha Ray (Mum), Durba Mitra (Pinki / Buron), and Bhaskar Mitra (Bablue). In those times I was too shy and was unable to start talking with anyone, and if it were girls, it’s out of question. Anyhow passed two days with them and returned. Now to mention in 2009, that I am very well acquainted with them, and good friends.
I suffered from fever for about one and half months then. I used to suffer from fever every year for about a week to two weeks. It started from 1996, though it took a major form in the year 1997. I visited doctors of Railway-Hospital but of no help. Then consulted homoeopathy and did not go for those medicines for long.
Those days I had good contact with my cousin sister Swati Mukherjee, staying at Kanpur and is elder than me by three months. I used to write letters and she replied. I mentioned my disease only to her among my relatives. I remembered that for the whole day I used to be fit and during night at about 1 am to 2 am I felt shiver and cold, then ran the high temperature. I was awake up to 4 or 5 am and by then the temperature got down. It continued for few days. I feared before going to sleep, that again the fever going to come.
Later I visited Dr. Dubey M.D. (Cardio). He suspected that due to dust allergy I was suffering from continuous fever. He prescribed medicines, and a mask for protection from dust. After four or five days of completion of medicines, the fever gets under control.
Year 2002
My transfer to accounts department was not getting finalised although two years had passed. In the past I had applied for the post of Commercial clerk, through NTPC category. It had two written examination and one viva-voce. I appeared in the first written examination when I was in TRD department. I passed the exam and got call for the next exam. The first exam was descriptive type and the second one was objective type. We have to fill the circles on the MICR sheet. When I got the call for second exam, I was in Accounts department. And on clearing the second exam, I got the call for viva-voce.
My viva-voce exam was not at all passed well. The interviewer only asked one or two questions and then asked why I was giving the exam. Actually it was not going to promote me, as I was in the same scale, though others may have got promotion. I explained the situation that my job in Accounts department is on deputation and getting finalised in getting delayed. Secondly I was unwilling to work in TRD department, and another cause was to get transfer in or nearer to Kolkata, i.e. in Kharagpur division.
On hearing my last cause, he said that there is no vacancy in Kharagpur dividion and vacancy exists in Nagpur division and asked me whether I will go there. Then I replied that I will not go to Nagpur. This was the end of my viva-voce.
Although my two written exams were very well, I got depressed after my viva-voce. I was sure I was not going to make. On listening my story, almost everyone said that I will not be selected. But to my and to surprise of many I got selected. Some asked me not to go to Commercial department by leaving Accounts, but I made my mind to go, as I got Kharagpur division, and my jot in Accounts is not becoming permanent, and I was unwilling to work in TRD in any circumstance.
My training of Commercial clerk (CC) started from 12th of August 2002 at SINI in Chakradharpur division, in the state of Jharkahand. I left Bilaspur by 8029 dn Kurla-Howrah express. I remember Mr. and Mrs. Majumder, Biju and Mohan came to see me off. Being 15th August, I came to Bilaspur, and on every off day I came to Bilaspur except the last off day before our exams.
I got new friends at SINI. My roommate Rakesh Kumar from Shahdol was also a CC. Other friends were Nilesh (ASM), Prafull (ASM), Mukesh (ASM), all of them belonged to Bilaspur division. Prafull used to smoke out of them and he became my cigarette friend. On the last night after having our exams over, these three gave us party (alcoholic party) to Rakesh and me. They also came to SINI station to make us leave by Utkal Express.
After completion of training, I had to rejoin my office before the result of training came out. So I had to join to TRD department and I had a great fear going there. Yet nothing could be done and I joined there. The results came out after about a month. Then TRD officials delayed my spare to Kharagpur division as the dealer said that they do not have orders to spare me. It took another three weeks to resolve the official matter and I was finally spared on the last week of December 2002.
Christmas was celebrated at Biju’s house by me, Biju, Nawaz, Mithun, and Mr. and Mrs. Majumder, and on 25th night, I left Bilaspur to join at Kharagpur division as Commercial Clerk.
In the year 2002, a remarkable change came to my life. I was staying in railway quarter nearer to Mr. Majumder’s. We got closer and it was my routine to visit to their house. When I had to leave Bilaspur for training I realised, how much I missed then in my daily routine. So on every off day I used to go to Bilaspur. It further made us closer. They do not have any child, and it made me to think that they are alone and they feel good whenever I join them. So from October 2002 I started calling them mother and father.
My viva-voce exam was not at all passed well. The interviewer only asked one or two questions and then asked why I was giving the exam. Actually it was not going to promote me, as I was in the same scale, though others may have got promotion. I explained the situation that my job in Accounts department is on deputation and getting finalised in getting delayed. Secondly I was unwilling to work in TRD department, and another cause was to get transfer in or nearer to Kolkata, i.e. in Kharagpur division.
On hearing my last cause, he said that there is no vacancy in Kharagpur dividion and vacancy exists in Nagpur division and asked me whether I will go there. Then I replied that I will not go to Nagpur. This was the end of my viva-voce.
Although my two written exams were very well, I got depressed after my viva-voce. I was sure I was not going to make. On listening my story, almost everyone said that I will not be selected. But to my and to surprise of many I got selected. Some asked me not to go to Commercial department by leaving Accounts, but I made my mind to go, as I got Kharagpur division, and my jot in Accounts is not becoming permanent, and I was unwilling to work in TRD in any circumstance.
My training of Commercial clerk (CC) started from 12th of August 2002 at SINI in Chakradharpur division, in the state of Jharkahand. I left Bilaspur by 8029 dn Kurla-Howrah express. I remember Mr. and Mrs. Majumder, Biju and Mohan came to see me off. Being 15th August, I came to Bilaspur, and on every off day I came to Bilaspur except the last off day before our exams.
I got new friends at SINI. My roommate Rakesh Kumar from Shahdol was also a CC. Other friends were Nilesh (ASM), Prafull (ASM), Mukesh (ASM), all of them belonged to Bilaspur division. Prafull used to smoke out of them and he became my cigarette friend. On the last night after having our exams over, these three gave us party (alcoholic party) to Rakesh and me. They also came to SINI station to make us leave by Utkal Express.
After completion of training, I had to rejoin my office before the result of training came out. So I had to join to TRD department and I had a great fear going there. Yet nothing could be done and I joined there. The results came out after about a month. Then TRD officials delayed my spare to Kharagpur division as the dealer said that they do not have orders to spare me. It took another three weeks to resolve the official matter and I was finally spared on the last week of December 2002.
Christmas was celebrated at Biju’s house by me, Biju, Nawaz, Mithun, and Mr. and Mrs. Majumder, and on 25th night, I left Bilaspur to join at Kharagpur division as Commercial Clerk.
In the year 2002, a remarkable change came to my life. I was staying in railway quarter nearer to Mr. Majumder’s. We got closer and it was my routine to visit to their house. When I had to leave Bilaspur for training I realised, how much I missed then in my daily routine. So on every off day I used to go to Bilaspur. It further made us closer. They do not have any child, and it made me to think that they are alone and they feel good whenever I join them. So from October 2002 I started calling them mother and father.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
SUFFERING (1994 and 1995)
My father died of throat cancer in the year 1995. We were settled in Bilaspur before that. There a doctor H.S.Ray, ENT specialist, to whom my father visited for problems in the throat, suggested in July 1993 visit Tata Memorial Cancer Hospital at Bombay. We have no idea about Bombay and more. So my father went there alone in July 1993. The doctor at Tata Memorial Cancer Hospital, said him to come along with a companion. As my father went there single, they didn’t check him, and my father returned from them. He underwent treatment under various doctors at Bilaspur but none of them turned fruitful.
During Durga Puja of 1993 went to Birnagar / Krishnanagar. Generally we visit our native place during summer vacation only, but for some consultation with doctors at Kolkata we went there during Puja vacation. We came to know about an ENT specialist at Kolkata, but appointment with the doctor needs about a month. We all agreed for checkups with the doctor and made an appointment over telephone. I saw my father calling from a STD booth for the appointment, first time for me to go to the then flourishing STD business.
The disease or suffering of my father was getting more. So in the month January 1994, he went to Birnagar / Krishnanagar again for visit to “Thakurpukur Cancer Hospital” in Kolkata. It was the third week of January 1994; he went to Thakurpukur Cancer Hospital along with Kingshuk, my brother and Mama my maternal uncle. The doctors started radiation therapy and prescribed 25 radiations, each radiation of 1 min and 45 seconds. There they had taken a room for stay during the period of treatment. After some radiations, my father came to Uslapur and has taken my mother there.
My Class 12th exams started in early March of 1994. I was alone at Uslapur. My mother before leaving for Kolkata has asked mother of Mohan for my food. They thrice everyday brought food at my home. I was attending exams as usual. It was day before the festival of “Holi”, a person (Sunder Maharaj) asked me when my parents were returning. I then not knowing about that, as there was no telephone facilities then and one has to rely on postal department. But the fact is they returned on the next morning only. My mother and I went to market for some purchase.
My father returned after taking 25 radio therapies. It caused the burning of skin nearby throat. It made him unable to talk, made him physically week. He has to cough with long durations. He also had pain but expressed less and hides more. He had developed an acne type of eruption at his throat. It’s developed at the place where the hospital personnel injected for biopsy.
He again has to visit the hospital after a month. As per the doctors, that after radiation, if the symptom/disease get suppressed then he will be safe. Otherwise he has to be given further treatment called “chemo-therapy”. The longer the treatment given the more unsafe he is.
I had full belief that he will get cured after radiation therapy. We had one month time before next visit. As he was unable to talk he can not perform his job as a “Station Master”. At that time he was posted at Bilaspur/RRI. We were staying at Uslapur railway quarters. As he will have to travel 20 kilometres both ways to perform his duty, he applied to his officer for transfer to Uslapur. Seeing his condition, the officer immediately issued orders for his transfer to Uslapur. Although he was posted to Uslapur he was unable to perform his duties after radiations.
My maternal uncle and aunt staying at Bhandara came to visit us. They were the closest according to the distance of all other relations. My mother expressed her worry to the aunt. Also she noticed that crow’s crow much more than usual. When crows crow near to any house, it is considered that death is calling. It caused fear to my mother. I was unaware of such mythology. I remember my aunt asked me to bring a “Gulel” (in Hindi as I do not know what it is called in English) to shot the crows. It means a game to me so I was excited without knowing the motive of doing so.
The eruption on the throat was getting larger and larger and became the size of a marble at the end of a month. My mother and father prepared themselves for next visit after a month to Thakurpukur Cancer Hospital.
Visiting to “Thakurpukur Cancer Hospital” by ourselves lead our expenses not covered by Railways. For the expenses to be paid by Railways, we should have visited Railway hospital, and if they found that treatment is required elsewhere, then only they send patients to other hospitals. Also Railways hospital will do necessary tests, and also treatment, before forwarding cases outside. We also visited Railway Hospital, Bilaspur and they directed to “Central Hospital”, Garden Reach, Kolkata.
Although my exams were over I didn’t accompany them as I had to appear for PET exams, though I had no hope. So instead of staying at Uslapur alone, I went to Bhandara, to my maternal aunt who visited few days back to us. My father came to Bilaspur station to entrain me to Bhandara. He never allowed me to drive the scooter though he was sick. I many times drove scooter alone and my mother sitting in rear seat. While my father and I had to go, he never allowed me to drive. After my going to Bhandara my father and mother left for Kolkata after few days to Central Hospital, Gardenreach.
Then Gardenreach Hospital authorities advised him to get admitted and they would further start from the initial. As my father already in the process of treatment, so of Gardenreach Hospital’s start from the beginning approach not seemed desirable to us. So we prefer to continue treatment at Thakurpukur Cancer hospital by our own resources.
In those days, there were no telephone connections at Birnagar or Uslapur, so getting news from them was out of question. After return from Bhandara to Uslapur, I appeared PET exams and then moved to Birnagar. There I came to know that one Chemo-therapy has already been given to my father in the end of May 1994. The radiations did not suppress the disease and so doctors prescribed three chemotherapies for three months. The doctors may have hinted that chances of his recovering is getting lesser day by days. It three chemos did suppress then well otherwise another three chemos to be given.
For each chemo therapy my father has to be admitted accompanied by some one. My mother stayed there for the first therapy. It needs three days admission and chemo injection is injected in the bottle of saline drips. The saline mixed chemo is drawn in for about three days. The result of chemo can be quickly seen. It results in weakening of the patient, higher hair fall, lack of hunger and many others which we cannot know from father. But it quickly resulted in reduction in the size of eruption on his throat. Initially the eruption does not discharge anything but once it started, it increased with time. The pus type of liquid always got discharged. The chemo reduced the discharge from the eruption which has taken form of a wound gradually.
After reaching Birnagar I came to know that my father has been visiting a worship place called “Thakurbari” at Majdia. Majdia is located in Sealdah-Ranaghat-Gede Railway section. Thakurbari is the place where a person got a dream that God gave him some mantra to help the sick and diseased. There any one has to visit on Tuesday and Saturday. The said person worships first and then attained some spiritual form, what we call as God entered his body. Then what he speaks is the utterance of God, and what he does is the doing by God. He then touches the patient, pray for the patient and almost to every patient says that he will be cured. He offers “Prasad”, the edibles offered to God and then taken by the followers as a belied that God has given them to eat. They accept little grants from the visitors.
I was little favoured to such beliefs then. Also we do not have much options left than believing in worship point for cure of cancer. My father used to visit every week as the worshiper there called him. My father used to get strength on visiting there and with the religious activities, the beats of drums used in temples. He sometimes said even that he is feeling better. But belief in such place can make oneself to think that he is feeling better. Actually this may have made his think that he is getting relief, or he is getting cured. But on actual the disease got worse with the time while he believes that worship will cure him. Also visiting to such place resulted in the miss of the second chemotherapy after a month.
Slowly we all realised that insisting on religious matters alone is not sufficient. Then father was again taken to the hospital. There he was given the second chemo. Again three days of needle punctured ones vein for inject of chemo mixed saline. One thing I need to mention here that many helped us financially as a chemo costs about Rs. 3500 /- in the year 1994. I remember my paternal uncle and aunt giving a large sum.
The chemo therapy causes the wound to get dried, the discharge of fluid get lessened, etc. but the side effects were also painful. Someone then suggested that instead of following treatment of the hospital, we may consult one of the doctors, to visit him privately i.e. in his chamber other than hospital, and get treatment as per him. It causes, that one can get specialised opinion and treated in the hospital or other than hospital. So we consulted one of the doctors.
Besides all these treatment, we consulted one homoeopathy doctor, but we could not rely on his time taking procedure. So after a month or so, getting no result from him, we again switched to usual routine of treatment.
In the mean time I went to Bilaspur for my Class 12th results and transfer certificates. I submitted application form for BSc admission to Kalyani University and to Krishnanagar Government College. I was too optimistic that I would get admission at Kalyani University which is better than others nearby. But there the seats for students other than West Bengal Board are too few and applicants from others were more. The ratio of students and seats are highly in favour of students of West Bengal Board students.
I got admission in Krishnanagar Government College. This college was established in 1846 and has long and wide trees and well maintained garden.
In the month of July or August 1994, my brother and father went to doctor’s chamber and the treatment under him started. He then suggested radiotherapy of larger durations about six minutes each. Then he had given chemo injections. These chemos were not the three days one, but inserted in veins and took about five minutes as these are injected very slowly. After prescribed radiotherapy and three (I suppose) chemos doctor suggested wait and watch policy. Then my mother and father went to Bilaspur in the month of September 1994 as my father has to withdraw his salary.
By then I got admission in Krishnanagar Government College. My parents were in Bilaspur. Though my fathers conditions may not have improved but his would got dried and its size reduced. My father joined his job and has been given lighter job at “Cash & Pay Office, Bilaspur”. After long my father worked there for few days. I visited to Bilaspur in the month of October during Diwali. I went there in unreserved compartment of Geetanjali express which reaches Bilaspur at 12 hrs midnight and I reached Uslapur after an hour.
Someone at “Cash & Pay Office, Bilaspur” suggested “Naturopathy” for treatment of cancer and advised of a Naturopath “Mr. Bagga” at “Dayalband” Bilaspur. My father so visited to him. The treatment of him is much complicated to be followed in general. First he kept my father in fast for 21 or 25 days. The fast means not to eat any thing for the period and only drinking water is allowed. My mother got worried as anyone would remain alive after not eating for so long. She many times checks him when he is asleep, that whether he is breathing. His next line of treatment was rubbing his urine over body for a week.
The naturopath advises use of natural things for treatment of any disease. They do not give any medicines unlike “Ayurved” doctors. When I went to Bilaspur his long fasting period was over. His then diet was as follows. The breakfast was the sprouted five items, as “Green Moong, Gram, Masoor, and some others”. His lunch includes little rice and two chapattis. He also has to take about half a glass juice of “amla” or “Indian gooseberry” per day. He also used to take ginger juice in intervals, spinach juice, and many others but the important one was “wheat grass juice”.
Wheatgrass is the young grass of seven days of the wheat plant. So to take seven days old wheat grass juice daily, my mother made eight tubs of a squarefeet area made with bricks. Each day wheat is sown and taken back on the seventh day. Eighth is for one day rest of each tub. After the grass was taken out, the juice is made out of it.
Under treatment of a naturopath, may or may not the disease suppressed but it made my father thinner and looking tall and thin. For the two or three months, it seemed that the naturopathy is curing, but it may be our wrong assumption, as prior to this my father has been under strong treatment under a doctor. May be due to strong radiations the wound got suppressed, and we linked this to naturopathy. But later the wound again started to increase in its size. My father and mother returned from Uslapur to Birnagar in November 1994.
Againg the same doctor was consulted had he advised of few chemo injections. He also advised that my father is not required to visit him but instead he can have those ingections from the local doctors. The doctor also expressed his helplessness as more things were not expected from the treatment. My brother everytime accompanied my father. He then knowed that medically my father in not treatable. Then we have no choice than to visit “totka” i.e. places where healing is done on some religious beliefs. If anyone tells us about some place, my brother went there. Someone told ‘Suchitra Sen’, Bengali actress had cancer and was treated in similar place at Barasat and she got healed. Learning this my brother went there and brought their medicines. Those were applied on my father but my father was fast deteriorating and so sign of healing were not at all visible. We also went to similar place at Assansol and another to Srirampur. In all of those places the worshipper perform some rites and offers the “prasada”. It pleased and give confidence to us for a day or two.
We even relied upon one such person, who gave a copper capsule filled with something and sealed with wax. He took Rs. 800- for that in 1994. He also visited few times to us, may be on our call, and suggested some or many things, but all were not fruitful.
My father’s food intake reduced to maximum of one cup of milk for the whole day. May be he stopped feeling hunger, or may be the pain in the throat, he did not take any thing. He not even take water. He felt difficult to swallow the saliva so he sometimes spit in the container beside. He did not bathe for many days, and always remained in the bed, sometimes sleeping and sometimes sitting unconsciously.
One morning in January 1995, my grandmother was disturbed very much due to loosing health of my father. She since morning asking us to call her younger son, i.e. my paternal uncle. My uncle then reside at Santaldih, in district Purulia. It was about 8 hours of complicated journey from Birnagar, with about four breaks. At that time the only way of telephonic contact with uncle was to call from Ranaghat Sub-Station. There also the contact was not direct, but through some via, and the message will then be delivered to him. I went to Ranaghat Sub-Station and described the personnel there at about 10 in the morning to give message “that his elder brother is serious”. My maternal uncle with his family came on that night only which was beyond our assumption. After getting the message my uncle left for Birnagar with so complicated journey reached to us at about 11 at night.
At that period my father suffered very very much. I remember the doctor once prescribed a pain-killer tablet, to be taken half, and later on if required then full. My father six months before asked for the half tablet. Gradually he needed the full. Initially he asked one in two days or three days, according to pain. But the frequency increased, the dosage increased. But a time came, he did not asked for that even in extreme cases. We sometimes dissolve the table and gave, but he stopped asking for those. My be the relieving effect has reduced or the intense of pain increased to make the tablet ineffective.
We once noticed something white on the dried ends of the wound. On closer look we see that something dotted shite spots deposited there. We were unable to realise the object. But in two days its effect were apparent to us. Those were the eggs of worms. Initially we noticed one or two but within another day, it turned to few hundreds. Each worms were very thin and about half cm long. We applied some homemade tips, like onion juice to kill them. Also one person offering “totka” was called and he too applied juice of some leaves. It was all of no result. Those worms along with pain gave the sensation of itching and irritation of some insects eating our flesh. As my uncle was then there, he and my brother we to the doctor, once we used to visit, after a long time. The doctor prescribed the ointment “Wokadine” to kill the worms. Those worms’ health changed day by day. The thin and small worms in two or three days changed to one inch long and about 3 mm thick.
After application of “wokadine” the worms, inside the would started coming out. We collected those with a match stick and collected in a paper bag, and burnt later. After two or three days of application all worms were over. The worms had a effect on the wound. The would was above the skin of about one inch diameter and half inch thick. The worms ate the flesh and the excess flesh above the skin were eaten. Ali they did was they went inside and created a hollow.
After a stay of about a week my uncle returned to their place. In the month of March 1994, I had to go to Bilaspur. The reason was to draw salary of my father. As he was under sickness, he was to get half the average pay. Also some earlier months pay was not withdrawn. So I went to Bilaspur. I liked to visit Bilaspur as I can meet friends there. I returned from there within four or five days.
By the time I returned to Birnagar, I found my paternal aunt visited there to see my father. She spent few days there. My father said on her visit, that “its good that she visited otherwise we may not have met”. I don’t know whether from inner calling or else he said so, but this turned to be correct. Or her day of leaving, it was morning time, my father came out to the main door to see her sister leaving. This may be after many days, that father came to that door.
On the early morning of 5th April 1995, my father died. My father awaken my mother when he was bleeding. My brother and I were awaken by mother. My brother seeing the condition realised whats to be followed. He called the neighbours and a doctor.
He tored the calendars depicting Gods/Godesses. He also threw clay idols of them. He believed, worshipped and prayed with full esteem, for our father be cured. Till last day, we prayed, while the doctors, slowly made us realised their incapability six months or more before.
Since then, I never worshipped Gods. May I visited to Puja pandals along with others but never bow.
My father died of throat cancer in the year 1995. We were settled in Bilaspur before that. There a doctor H.S.Ray, ENT specialist, to whom my father visited for problems in the throat, suggested in July 1993 visit Tata Memorial Cancer Hospital at Bombay. We have no idea about Bombay and more. So my father went there alone in July 1993. The doctor at Tata Memorial Cancer Hospital, said him to come along with a companion. As my father went there single, they didn’t check him, and my father returned from them. He underwent treatment under various doctors at Bilaspur but none of them turned fruitful.
During Durga Puja of 1993 went to Birnagar / Krishnanagar. Generally we visit our native place during summer vacation only, but for some consultation with doctors at Kolkata we went there during Puja vacation. We came to know about an ENT specialist at Kolkata, but appointment with the doctor needs about a month. We all agreed for checkups with the doctor and made an appointment over telephone. I saw my father calling from a STD booth for the appointment, first time for me to go to the then flourishing STD business.
The disease or suffering of my father was getting more. So in the month January 1994, he went to Birnagar / Krishnanagar again for visit to “Thakurpukur Cancer Hospital” in Kolkata. It was the third week of January 1994; he went to Thakurpukur Cancer Hospital along with Kingshuk, my brother and Mama my maternal uncle. The doctors started radiation therapy and prescribed 25 radiations, each radiation of 1 min and 45 seconds. There they had taken a room for stay during the period of treatment. After some radiations, my father came to Uslapur and has taken my mother there.
My Class 12th exams started in early March of 1994. I was alone at Uslapur. My mother before leaving for Kolkata has asked mother of Mohan for my food. They thrice everyday brought food at my home. I was attending exams as usual. It was day before the festival of “Holi”, a person (Sunder Maharaj) asked me when my parents were returning. I then not knowing about that, as there was no telephone facilities then and one has to rely on postal department. But the fact is they returned on the next morning only. My mother and I went to market for some purchase.
My father returned after taking 25 radio therapies. It caused the burning of skin nearby throat. It made him unable to talk, made him physically week. He has to cough with long durations. He also had pain but expressed less and hides more. He had developed an acne type of eruption at his throat. It’s developed at the place where the hospital personnel injected for biopsy.
He again has to visit the hospital after a month. As per the doctors, that after radiation, if the symptom/disease get suppressed then he will be safe. Otherwise he has to be given further treatment called “chemo-therapy”. The longer the treatment given the more unsafe he is.
I had full belief that he will get cured after radiation therapy. We had one month time before next visit. As he was unable to talk he can not perform his job as a “Station Master”. At that time he was posted at Bilaspur/RRI. We were staying at Uslapur railway quarters. As he will have to travel 20 kilometres both ways to perform his duty, he applied to his officer for transfer to Uslapur. Seeing his condition, the officer immediately issued orders for his transfer to Uslapur. Although he was posted to Uslapur he was unable to perform his duties after radiations.
My maternal uncle and aunt staying at Bhandara came to visit us. They were the closest according to the distance of all other relations. My mother expressed her worry to the aunt. Also she noticed that crow’s crow much more than usual. When crows crow near to any house, it is considered that death is calling. It caused fear to my mother. I was unaware of such mythology. I remember my aunt asked me to bring a “Gulel” (in Hindi as I do not know what it is called in English) to shot the crows. It means a game to me so I was excited without knowing the motive of doing so.
The eruption on the throat was getting larger and larger and became the size of a marble at the end of a month. My mother and father prepared themselves for next visit after a month to Thakurpukur Cancer Hospital.
Visiting to “Thakurpukur Cancer Hospital” by ourselves lead our expenses not covered by Railways. For the expenses to be paid by Railways, we should have visited Railway hospital, and if they found that treatment is required elsewhere, then only they send patients to other hospitals. Also Railways hospital will do necessary tests, and also treatment, before forwarding cases outside. We also visited Railway Hospital, Bilaspur and they directed to “Central Hospital”, Garden Reach, Kolkata.
Although my exams were over I didn’t accompany them as I had to appear for PET exams, though I had no hope. So instead of staying at Uslapur alone, I went to Bhandara, to my maternal aunt who visited few days back to us. My father came to Bilaspur station to entrain me to Bhandara. He never allowed me to drive the scooter though he was sick. I many times drove scooter alone and my mother sitting in rear seat. While my father and I had to go, he never allowed me to drive. After my going to Bhandara my father and mother left for Kolkata after few days to Central Hospital, Gardenreach.
Then Gardenreach Hospital authorities advised him to get admitted and they would further start from the initial. As my father already in the process of treatment, so of Gardenreach Hospital’s start from the beginning approach not seemed desirable to us. So we prefer to continue treatment at Thakurpukur Cancer hospital by our own resources.
In those days, there were no telephone connections at Birnagar or Uslapur, so getting news from them was out of question. After return from Bhandara to Uslapur, I appeared PET exams and then moved to Birnagar. There I came to know that one Chemo-therapy has already been given to my father in the end of May 1994. The radiations did not suppress the disease and so doctors prescribed three chemotherapies for three months. The doctors may have hinted that chances of his recovering is getting lesser day by days. It three chemos did suppress then well otherwise another three chemos to be given.
For each chemo therapy my father has to be admitted accompanied by some one. My mother stayed there for the first therapy. It needs three days admission and chemo injection is injected in the bottle of saline drips. The saline mixed chemo is drawn in for about three days. The result of chemo can be quickly seen. It results in weakening of the patient, higher hair fall, lack of hunger and many others which we cannot know from father. But it quickly resulted in reduction in the size of eruption on his throat. Initially the eruption does not discharge anything but once it started, it increased with time. The pus type of liquid always got discharged. The chemo reduced the discharge from the eruption which has taken form of a wound gradually.
After reaching Birnagar I came to know that my father has been visiting a worship place called “Thakurbari” at Majdia. Majdia is located in Sealdah-Ranaghat-Gede Railway section. Thakurbari is the place where a person got a dream that God gave him some mantra to help the sick and diseased. There any one has to visit on Tuesday and Saturday. The said person worships first and then attained some spiritual form, what we call as God entered his body. Then what he speaks is the utterance of God, and what he does is the doing by God. He then touches the patient, pray for the patient and almost to every patient says that he will be cured. He offers “Prasad”, the edibles offered to God and then taken by the followers as a belied that God has given them to eat. They accept little grants from the visitors.
I was little favoured to such beliefs then. Also we do not have much options left than believing in worship point for cure of cancer. My father used to visit every week as the worshiper there called him. My father used to get strength on visiting there and with the religious activities, the beats of drums used in temples. He sometimes said even that he is feeling better. But belief in such place can make oneself to think that he is feeling better. Actually this may have made his think that he is getting relief, or he is getting cured. But on actual the disease got worse with the time while he believes that worship will cure him. Also visiting to such place resulted in the miss of the second chemotherapy after a month.
Slowly we all realised that insisting on religious matters alone is not sufficient. Then father was again taken to the hospital. There he was given the second chemo. Again three days of needle punctured ones vein for inject of chemo mixed saline. One thing I need to mention here that many helped us financially as a chemo costs about Rs. 3500 /- in the year 1994. I remember my paternal uncle and aunt giving a large sum.
The chemo therapy causes the wound to get dried, the discharge of fluid get lessened, etc. but the side effects were also painful. Someone then suggested that instead of following treatment of the hospital, we may consult one of the doctors, to visit him privately i.e. in his chamber other than hospital, and get treatment as per him. It causes, that one can get specialised opinion and treated in the hospital or other than hospital. So we consulted one of the doctors.
Besides all these treatment, we consulted one homoeopathy doctor, but we could not rely on his time taking procedure. So after a month or so, getting no result from him, we again switched to usual routine of treatment.
In the mean time I went to Bilaspur for my Class 12th results and transfer certificates. I submitted application form for BSc admission to Kalyani University and to Krishnanagar Government College. I was too optimistic that I would get admission at Kalyani University which is better than others nearby. But there the seats for students other than West Bengal Board are too few and applicants from others were more. The ratio of students and seats are highly in favour of students of West Bengal Board students.
I got admission in Krishnanagar Government College. This college was established in 1846 and has long and wide trees and well maintained garden.
In the month of July or August 1994, my brother and father went to doctor’s chamber and the treatment under him started. He then suggested radiotherapy of larger durations about six minutes each. Then he had given chemo injections. These chemos were not the three days one, but inserted in veins and took about five minutes as these are injected very slowly. After prescribed radiotherapy and three (I suppose) chemos doctor suggested wait and watch policy. Then my mother and father went to Bilaspur in the month of September 1994 as my father has to withdraw his salary.
By then I got admission in Krishnanagar Government College. My parents were in Bilaspur. Though my fathers conditions may not have improved but his would got dried and its size reduced. My father joined his job and has been given lighter job at “Cash & Pay Office, Bilaspur”. After long my father worked there for few days. I visited to Bilaspur in the month of October during Diwali. I went there in unreserved compartment of Geetanjali express which reaches Bilaspur at 12 hrs midnight and I reached Uslapur after an hour.
Someone at “Cash & Pay Office, Bilaspur” suggested “Naturopathy” for treatment of cancer and advised of a Naturopath “Mr. Bagga” at “Dayalband” Bilaspur. My father so visited to him. The treatment of him is much complicated to be followed in general. First he kept my father in fast for 21 or 25 days. The fast means not to eat any thing for the period and only drinking water is allowed. My mother got worried as anyone would remain alive after not eating for so long. She many times checks him when he is asleep, that whether he is breathing. His next line of treatment was rubbing his urine over body for a week.
The naturopath advises use of natural things for treatment of any disease. They do not give any medicines unlike “Ayurved” doctors. When I went to Bilaspur his long fasting period was over. His then diet was as follows. The breakfast was the sprouted five items, as “Green Moong, Gram, Masoor, and some others”. His lunch includes little rice and two chapattis. He also has to take about half a glass juice of “amla” or “Indian gooseberry” per day. He also used to take ginger juice in intervals, spinach juice, and many others but the important one was “wheat grass juice”.
Wheatgrass is the young grass of seven days of the wheat plant. So to take seven days old wheat grass juice daily, my mother made eight tubs of a squarefeet area made with bricks. Each day wheat is sown and taken back on the seventh day. Eighth is for one day rest of each tub. After the grass was taken out, the juice is made out of it.
Under treatment of a naturopath, may or may not the disease suppressed but it made my father thinner and looking tall and thin. For the two or three months, it seemed that the naturopathy is curing, but it may be our wrong assumption, as prior to this my father has been under strong treatment under a doctor. May be due to strong radiations the wound got suppressed, and we linked this to naturopathy. But later the wound again started to increase in its size. My father and mother returned from Uslapur to Birnagar in November 1994.
Againg the same doctor was consulted had he advised of few chemo injections. He also advised that my father is not required to visit him but instead he can have those ingections from the local doctors. The doctor also expressed his helplessness as more things were not expected from the treatment. My brother everytime accompanied my father. He then knowed that medically my father in not treatable. Then we have no choice than to visit “totka” i.e. places where healing is done on some religious beliefs. If anyone tells us about some place, my brother went there. Someone told ‘Suchitra Sen’, Bengali actress had cancer and was treated in similar place at Barasat and she got healed. Learning this my brother went there and brought their medicines. Those were applied on my father but my father was fast deteriorating and so sign of healing were not at all visible. We also went to similar place at Assansol and another to Srirampur. In all of those places the worshipper perform some rites and offers the “prasada”. It pleased and give confidence to us for a day or two.
We even relied upon one such person, who gave a copper capsule filled with something and sealed with wax. He took Rs. 800- for that in 1994. He also visited few times to us, may be on our call, and suggested some or many things, but all were not fruitful.
My father’s food intake reduced to maximum of one cup of milk for the whole day. May be he stopped feeling hunger, or may be the pain in the throat, he did not take any thing. He not even take water. He felt difficult to swallow the saliva so he sometimes spit in the container beside. He did not bathe for many days, and always remained in the bed, sometimes sleeping and sometimes sitting unconsciously.
One morning in January 1995, my grandmother was disturbed very much due to loosing health of my father. She since morning asking us to call her younger son, i.e. my paternal uncle. My uncle then reside at Santaldih, in district Purulia. It was about 8 hours of complicated journey from Birnagar, with about four breaks. At that time the only way of telephonic contact with uncle was to call from Ranaghat Sub-Station. There also the contact was not direct, but through some via, and the message will then be delivered to him. I went to Ranaghat Sub-Station and described the personnel there at about 10 in the morning to give message “that his elder brother is serious”. My maternal uncle with his family came on that night only which was beyond our assumption. After getting the message my uncle left for Birnagar with so complicated journey reached to us at about 11 at night.
At that period my father suffered very very much. I remember the doctor once prescribed a pain-killer tablet, to be taken half, and later on if required then full. My father six months before asked for the half tablet. Gradually he needed the full. Initially he asked one in two days or three days, according to pain. But the frequency increased, the dosage increased. But a time came, he did not asked for that even in extreme cases. We sometimes dissolve the table and gave, but he stopped asking for those. My be the relieving effect has reduced or the intense of pain increased to make the tablet ineffective.
We once noticed something white on the dried ends of the wound. On closer look we see that something dotted shite spots deposited there. We were unable to realise the object. But in two days its effect were apparent to us. Those were the eggs of worms. Initially we noticed one or two but within another day, it turned to few hundreds. Each worms were very thin and about half cm long. We applied some homemade tips, like onion juice to kill them. Also one person offering “totka” was called and he too applied juice of some leaves. It was all of no result. Those worms along with pain gave the sensation of itching and irritation of some insects eating our flesh. As my uncle was then there, he and my brother we to the doctor, once we used to visit, after a long time. The doctor prescribed the ointment “Wokadine” to kill the worms. Those worms’ health changed day by day. The thin and small worms in two or three days changed to one inch long and about 3 mm thick.
After application of “wokadine” the worms, inside the would started coming out. We collected those with a match stick and collected in a paper bag, and burnt later. After two or three days of application all worms were over. The worms had a effect on the wound. The would was above the skin of about one inch diameter and half inch thick. The worms ate the flesh and the excess flesh above the skin were eaten. Ali they did was they went inside and created a hollow.
After a stay of about a week my uncle returned to their place. In the month of March 1994, I had to go to Bilaspur. The reason was to draw salary of my father. As he was under sickness, he was to get half the average pay. Also some earlier months pay was not withdrawn. So I went to Bilaspur. I liked to visit Bilaspur as I can meet friends there. I returned from there within four or five days.
By the time I returned to Birnagar, I found my paternal aunt visited there to see my father. She spent few days there. My father said on her visit, that “its good that she visited otherwise we may not have met”. I don’t know whether from inner calling or else he said so, but this turned to be correct. Or her day of leaving, it was morning time, my father came out to the main door to see her sister leaving. This may be after many days, that father came to that door.
On the early morning of 5th April 1995, my father died. My father awaken my mother when he was bleeding. My brother and I were awaken by mother. My brother seeing the condition realised whats to be followed. He called the neighbours and a doctor.
He tored the calendars depicting Gods/Godesses. He also threw clay idols of them. He believed, worshipped and prayed with full esteem, for our father be cured. Till last day, we prayed, while the doctors, slowly made us realised their incapability six months or more before.
Since then, I never worshipped Gods. May I visited to Puja pandals along with others but never bow.
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